Laugh as necessary, oh teachers of the past, and those with teaching experience who are familiar with this type of thing but the fact remains: I just had the single worst experience I’ve ever had in a classroom. Several boys in the 2nd grade class were behaving in a fashion that made me so angry I actually raised my fist as if to punch one of their adorable little faces. One kid is 10 years old and in 2nd grade, he thinks he can do whatever he wants, and in fact he can do whatever he wants (probably in his house too). What am I going to do…punch him? Making matters worse they can’t be obliged to write things down because they aren’t proficient at writing yet.
Am I receiving this as punishment for how I chose to behave as a kid?
Fact is, a few years back I used to do this meditation wherein you close your eyes and picture a loved one, an enemy, and someone you’re indifferent to at the same time, superimposing the images. Then you try to cultivate the same level of compassion for all three people. Back then and until recently I could never find a real “enemy” to picture, even Hitler didn’t work because he never did anything directly harmful to me, too far removed I suppose. But now, with the entrance of these diabolic students on the scene, I think my anger toward them may be the closest I’ve ever been, in my adult life, to having an enemy.
Right now I’m not sure if I can ever return to teaching that specific class of 2nd graders. But to have the whole class suffer for the disgraceful (read: lacking grace) comportment of a few seems unjust. But had you, my reader, seen the (now risible) defiance and maddening behavior that I saw, you might have counseled me to recognize a lost cause when I saw one.
I know I’m not suppose to write too much about the negatives in my blog and, believe me, I’m not looking for pity, but the act of writing this entry and sharing it with the compassionate world beyond these isolated mountainsides has calmed me greatly.
Love,
Mason
p.s. This happened two weeks ago and was just now transcribed. I have taught them again and they weren't so bad. Certainly haven't been taught (as I was by my father) that first impressions are f#*&ing critical!!
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